Advice: Masturbating all the Time

Curious, is there any evidence that masturbating All the time is bad/harmful? (question via Twitter)

My, this is a curious question. I’ll try to answer it in as many ways possible. Above all else, masturbation itself is not harmful. You will not go insane, grow hairy palms or develop out-of-control acne. Our collective anxiousness over masturbation is borne from years of anti-masturbation rhetoric intended to push people towards more reproductive sex acts. Like rape and incest.

Many people express anxiety over masturbation frequency. Am I doing it too much? How much is too much? If your life is impacted negatively by your masturbatory habits then you masturbate too much. If you cannot control your impulses and tend to stick you hand down your pants like a 5 year old at a dinner party then you masturbate too much. Other than that, even if you are squeezing one off at work, who cares? As long as you clean up after yourself, don’t get caught on camera and remember the cover sheet on the TPS report you’re golden.

The one possible physical effect of “over-masturbating” would be calloused genitals. This can be avoided by one of my favorite things: LUBE. All you have to do is cut down on skin to skin friction and no callous will form. One very misinformed, young, unqualified professor of mine tried to claim this could happen with vibrators. I wanted to throw a book at him. Friction develops callused body parts, not vibrations.

I have heard one rumor, rather unsubstantiated but ubiquitous:

I heard it from Fark.com. Can you confirm the veracity of their claims? Hit me up.

Advice: Spermicide Allergy

Spermicidal Tendencies

Ms. Sexademic,

Someone I know is allergic to spermicidal condoms, but not normal latex condoms. That common? Thx (question via Twitter)

Well, allergy is one way to put it. A better way to put it would be vaginal sensitivity to bleach. Yes. Nonoxynol-9 (N-9), the active ingredient in spermicide, is a low grade bleach that we refer to as a “surfactant“. The World Health Organization frowns upon using condoms with N-9 lubricants due to their tissue compromising properties. In the spermicidal mayhem, N-9 also damages healthy tissue thus enabling transmission of all kinds of funky things. Like HIV. It’s like creating tiny entry wounds in your vadge/anus.

Just remember: Nonoxynol-9 starts with a NoNo. So only use it if STIs are not an issue and no-one feels the burn. Seriously, if it burns when you have sex, the likely culprit is the condom, lube or maybe that poison ivy patch you picked as a fuck-nest.

-The Sexademic

Lube Conundrum

Sexademic,

I can’t tell you how sad it made me when my current sexual partner told me she was anti-lube.  She doesn’t like [to] have “extra, unnecessary things inside of her.”  This really harshed my game, since lube is kinda part of my psychological sex ritual.  Any advice? -Lubeless in Lust

Dear Lubeless,

Skin Reactions to Latex

No, not semen. Sap from the Hevea Brasiliensis (Rubber Tree)

In response to Condom Use and Sexual Performance, reader Maeve asked:

“Why does that happen? Is it different if you use other materials (polyurethane, etc)?”

Good question. I’ve always wondered about this but never seen a condom-specific answer. I set about on the interwebs to figure out which latex properties deplete natural sexual lubrication.

The answer may lie in the general latex allergy. There is minimal information about latex allergies and sex but I checked out latex allergy info on WebMD and Mayo Clinic. Latex is derived from rubber tree sap and certain proteins in the milky, semen-looking fluid cause dermal irritations. Basically, the sap can irritate skin.

But most people don’t have an actual *allergy* to latex. (Latex reaction image search here, kinda ick but SFW). So why does latex dry out your sexual secretions?

I see a few different factors at work here.

Better Sex in 2010

Someone, somewhere is turned on by this picture.

I raise my mimosa this morning to bid adieu to 2009, the worst year ever. The world seems at its lowest right now, so things can only get better. Right?

Many of my friends mark 2009 as a learning year. I sure as hell hope so. If we as individuals, cities, nations, cultures and subcultures stroll into 2010 padded with willful ignorance and blind to the lessons of the last decade, there is no hope for anyone.

But I’m an optimistic cynic. Here are my hopes for the world of sex in 2010.

Condom Use and Sexual Performance

The Condom and Lube Dance: It's a Good Thing

My roommate breezed through the living room the other night, freshly showered and heady with man-scent, stopping short at my desk. I looked up.

“So,” he asked, “as a- a professional sex educator, do you…uh, do you get free condoms? Condoms that you might have lying around?”

His cologne made sudden sense. I guessed his current lady friend was in town and smiled. “Yeah. I’ll go find some. What size?” He stared at me. I laughed and he finally responded with his hands spaced apart.

After a few moments rummaging around in my various sex supply drawers I put together a little safe sex bag for him. I pointed out the different condoms as well as the packets of lube samples. “Lube is very important when you use condoms. Use it on the inside as well as the outside.”

He eyed the sample packs. “Well, not if you keep things wet enough on your own.”

[Cue internal sex educator alarm] “No! Latex messes with natural lubrication so over time the friction can become irritating as hell. Haven’t you ever noticed that with condoms woman becomes less wet as time goes on?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Oh. I never realized that.”

Few people do.

Better Sex with Condoms

The most common complaint whispered to me at parties (especially by guys) is that condoms suck. They feel weird, they decrease sensation, they smell/taste funny. I love how none of them want to fix the problem, only bitch to me. Guess what: you can make sex with condoms feel better.