The TSA search practices have got to stop. Aside from being a complete invasion of privacy, the way they go about violating our personal space is wholly creepy. In light of the most recent reports of the TSA actions re-traumatizing a rape survivor and making a woman cry on her honeymoon, I’ve compiled a humorous little protest guide.
- Stripping Flash Mob. You and your hundred closest social network friends show up outside an airport and begin stripping. Scatter yourselves around the drop off area and be as nonchalant as possible. If you want to avoid arrest, just get down to your skivvies. If PETA can protest meat with nude models, we can protest the TSA with semi-clothed masses.
- Is that a security risk in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Obtain Viagra, get in line, wait for the awkward feel up. Smile deliriously. [Alternative: if you lack a flesh and blood penis, get thyself to a sex store and buy a nice, robust strap on. Wear under clothes.]
- Sensitive Spandex Person. Wear a tight spandex outfit on every flight. If searched, sheepishly mention your physical sensitivity and moan uncontrollably when they touch you (adapted from a flash mob idea by @nelz9999, submitted by @bklem).
- Comment on the decline of modern dating. While being searched, make eye contact with other passengers and say things like “Chivalry is really going out of style” or “Used to be someone bought you a drink before 2nd base.”
- Sing dirty songs. Peaches or Prince will go well with that invasive, molesting pat-down.
- Beat them to the punch. Don’t stop with your shoes and jacket when in line. Just keep going until all your clothes are in the bin and ready for the x-ray machine. What a time saver!
The point of these protest tactics is not directly influencing the TSA. The point is to make your displeasure plain to other passengers who are likely feeling the same thing. Sitting in silence and writing private letters to bureaucratic organizations will only do so much. The more a few people start to publicly rail against this treatment, the more others will want to speak out, the sooner regulations will change.
Fight for your right to fly without being molested. Seriously, how the hell are we supposed to explain all this to our children? This makes teaching youth to avoid sexual predators that much more difficult.