How To Protest Creepy TSA Searches

Creepy TSA
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The TSA search practices have got to stop. Aside from being a complete invasion of privacy, the way they go about violating our personal space is wholly creepy. In light of the most recent reports of the TSA actions re-traumatizing a rape survivor and making a woman cry on her honeymoon, I’ve compiled a humorous little protest guide.

(If you’re looking for less funny, more legally secure ways to protest: report negative experiences to the ACLU, write to your representative or file a complaint with the TSA.)

  • Stripping Flash Mob. You and your hundred closest social network friends show up outside an airport and begin stripping. Scatter yourselves around the drop off area and be as nonchalant as possible. If you want to avoid arrest, just get down to your skivvies. If PETA can protest meat with nude models, we can protest the TSA with semi-clothed masses.
  • Is that a security risk in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Obtain Viagra, get in line, wait for the awkward feel up. Smile deliriously. [Alternative: if you lack a flesh and blood penis, get thyself to a sex store and buy a nice, robust strap on. Wear under clothes.]
  • Sensitive Spandex Person. Wear a tight spandex outfit on every flight. If searched, sheepishly mention  your physical sensitivity and moan uncontrollably when they touch you (adapted from a flash mob idea by @nelz9999, submitted by @bklem).
  • Comment on the decline of modern dating. While being searched, make eye contact with other passengers and say things like “Chivalry is really going out of style” or “Used to be someone bought you a drink before 2nd base.”
  • Sing dirty songs. Peaches or Prince will go well with that invasive, molesting pat-down.
  • Beat them to the punch. Don’t stop with your shoes and  jacket when in line. Just keep going until all your clothes are in the bin and ready for the x-ray machine. What a time saver!

The point of these protest tactics is not directly influencing the TSA. The point is to make your displeasure plain to other passengers who are likely feeling the same thing. Sitting in silence and writing private letters to bureaucratic organizations will only do so much. The more a few people start to publicly rail against this treatment, the more others will want to speak out, the sooner regulations will change.

Fight for your right to fly without being molested. Seriously, how the hell are we supposed to explain all this to our children? This makes teaching youth to avoid sexual predators that much more difficult.

6 thoughts on “How To Protest Creepy TSA Searches”

  1. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!

    So what do you think about the safety concerns? I am waiting for someone smart who does research that I also trust (you, for example) to tell me whether or not I should take the health concerns seriously regarding the safety of the scatter xray whatever-they’re-called thingies. Because I’m lazy like that.

    1. Mooflyfoof (the woman who had the TSA go through her honeymoon luggage) compiled a great list of info here, which includes links to info on health risks of the scanners:

      My worry is for people who fly frequently and find themselves exposed to this on any semi-regular basis. As far as I know, there is no communication between airports about who was searched when and with what methods.

  2. Simple answer wear a kilt with only the traditional boots and socks under it. Watch the look on their faces when they realize. For bonus points bring an entire pipe band with you.

  3. We should take a page out of the “civil-disobedience” book of Dr. ML King … in particular a special week of mass rebellion, particularly your idea where a LARGE group of Americans who refuse to forever be subjected to these treatments strips down to their skivvies (and a T-shirt with anti-TSA slogans) AND opts out of the scanners.

    Call in the news media and let the entire country see what is being done. Half the sheeple who haven’t actually experienced these demeaning new procedures, and who think it’s no problem”, will see the naked truth. LOL.

    I will definitely plan to fly that week if some group organizes it!

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