…Or make love, have sex, do the horizontal mambo, knock boots, boink or any number of euphemisms. I often hear people (usually guys) fret about gauging consent and desire so I decided to make a handy little guide.
Really, there is only one sure sign of consent:
- Saying “I want to fuck you!” Or “I want to make love” or even “I want to have sex with you.” If your prospective partner is not the aggressive or outspoken type, responding “YES” when you ask “Do you want to have sex?” is also a sure sign of consent. [NOTE: Consent can be withdrawn at any time with the simple words "No"or "I want to stop."]
Aside from verbal consent to sex, there are easy ways to tell if you should keep going with your current sexual activity:
- Pulling their clothes off. Not necessarily a valid sign if this person is a stranger in a locker room.
- Pulling your clothes off. Unless they are an EMT removing your clothes after a car accident.
- Pressing their genitals on you. Hard-ons to the hip and wet labias on the thigh are good indicators of sexual desire.
- Rubbing their body all over yours. Something is going well if they want every part of them touching every part of you.
- Pulling you closer. Obviously they want you more near than far.
- Sitting on your face. Especially if they start singing Monty Python.
- Vocalizing desire. Oooh-ing, ahhh-ing, whispering/saying/screaming “Oh, yes, keep going.”
Now that we’ve established what wanton sexual desire looks like, how about lack of desire? If any of the following behaviors occur, STOP what you are doing and ask if you should continue.
- Pulling away from you.
- Laying there and staring into space.
- Talking about the weather.
- Turning on the TV and channel surfing.
- Texting/Tweeting/Talking on the phone.
And the number one sign that you need to stop:
THEY SAY “NO” OR “STOP.”
The bottom line is that if you are unsure someone wants to have sex with you, back off. Why would you want to fuck someone that isn’t crazy horny for you anyway? To score points? Bragging? Get a sex toy instead. Sex toys don’t press criminal charges.
Bonus advice: if you find yourself with a pushy partner exhibiting poor listening skills, look them in the eyes and say, in your calmest voice, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I guarantee they will stop. If they don’t, pull them by one ear, box them in the other and get out of there.