Yesterday, someone tagged me in a Facebook note about women and sex. The post was a babbling brook of consciousness focused on slut-shaming. I get that she was working her views out in a public forum, but I disagreed with everything she said. Why women gotta hate on each other so much?
The following quote sums up her argument pretty well:
Do ALL us women a favor who want the hope of actually having a long term committed relationship with a man and stop sleeping around. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.
She begins her argument by wagging the finger at men for the disgusting things they say to her online.
I have had dating profiles, stating specifically that I wasn’t looking for an intimate encounter and still have guys send me messages such as, “I want to f*&k your face.” Why do they think that’s appropriate? Imho (in my humble opinion) because women go out and “f*&k” like men these days.
A big porn company took over a sex toy store where I worked and their marketing scheme for woman was to cover things in sparkles and soft fabric. Because women are delicate creatures with delicate sexuality, right? Wrong. Some women want lovemaking, some want hot fucking, some would rather go for a run. There is no definitive female sexuality just like there is no definitive male sexuality. Humans, we’re complex creatures.
She goes on to define what this new sexually liberated woman looks like to the world:
There’s something to be said for women who are open sexually. They are usually viewed as easy or sluts because they are easy and do sleep around.
Since when does sexually open mean perpetually spread legs? Of course, rather than express indignation about this false categorization, she shrugs it off as “that’s kind of the way it is at this point.” Really? The status quo can be, and often is, wrong and detrimental. We should rally for change! Except it’s all women’s fault and men can’t help it so we need to police sexuality!
I think women need to be more aware of the predicament they are putting everyone in. Men aren’t going to change any time soon. It’s easier for us to comply…
One of the larger issues in female sexuality is the concept of women as gatekeepers. We assume that “men are naturally programmed to do one thing and guys you know what that is.” What? Breathe air? Oh! you mean stick their dicks in things because they are barely functioning, sex-driven Neanderthals. Women have their feminine mystique, men have their caveman mystique. God forbid that men want love. That’s just dumb girl stuff.
Furthermore, us womenfolk need to be careful how many sex tokens we give out because “women should consider their bodies a sacred temple that few get to enjoy.” So, my body is not mine to enjoy? It is only for a few people out there?
Her post was well-intentioned and an honest public mental exercise in her own beliefs. the problem is, these beliefs stem from damaging aspects of gender roles. Females bodies are not their own, men are simple dolts only after fucking, women are the sexual gatekeepers and all the sluts out there are convincing men that “they [don’t] have to commit because they are getting the “milk” for free.” Ah, yes, my delicious lady-milks. You better put a ring on my finger before you get that bucket out, mister, because the only thing I want is to use sex to ensnare you in a relationship.
If you want a relationship and cannot get into a committed one, either you aren’t meeting the right people or it is an internal issue. There are not roving bands of slutty women souring men to relationships by having sex with them. Stop the girl and girl hate. Shun douchy guys that say offensive things to you and tell them they suck. Quit framing men as one-dimensional, sex-obsessed jerks and they won’t feel as much pressure to conform to that standard.
And stop reading Andrea Dworkin. Penetration is not degradation. Unless you’re into that kind of kink. Hey, sometimes a sweaty whisper about face-fucking can be really hot.
The Sexademic 
Every time I see one group of women referring to another group of other women as “sluts” based on apparel or behavior or sexual activity etc, I make it a point to bring up to them that by being so competitively judgmental and divisive it is they themselves that are sewing the seeds of jealousy and insecurity that prevent true feminine liberation. Very few of them get it, most just get reactionary and upset and you can probably guess how many friends that makes me.
I am a guy who enjoys love and finds more sexual enjoyment with a relationship in place. Some women are like that, some guys are like that. Doesn’t seem complicated to me.
Great article btw
I could not agree more! THANK YOU!
Cannot help but agree with this, one of my best friends has gone through some self-esteem issues lately. She got a boyfriend and now she’s confidient within herself, good for her i guess, not that crazy that her self esteem is based on a man. She said that any women who have sex with a guy they aren’t in a actual long-term relationship with are sluts…I was a little offended by that because well, I lost my virginity to a guy I wasn’t dating. The girl-hating is so pointless.