Last night I talked to one of my male friends about his sometimes misogynistic comments about women’s sexuality. He seemed upset when I implied his lack of understanding and declared, “I have slept with more women than you ever will, young lady, so I think I know a thing or two about female sexuality.”
At the time my response was, “I have talked to more women about their sexuality than you ever will. I know a thing or two more about it than you do.”
I later experienced what a friend dubbed a “Back Door Epiphany.” No, this isn’t what happens when you discover a fervent love for anal sex. This is when the perfect comment comes to you the moment after you exit a conversation/argument.
My Backdoor Epiphany? “Being inside a woman’s vagina is not the same is being in her heart and mind.” No amount of fucking can give the insight gained from a heartfelt conversation.
His insinuation that sex with a woman made him a sexpert is as baseless as me claiming my love of food makes me a culinary expert. Sex is not simply a sweaty physical act. Sex is political as well as personal, physical as well as psychological.
There is something that smacks of paternalistic objectification as well, that by having their bodies he also gained their knowledge. I doubt at any point he conversed about how these women understood their own sexuality. If that were so, I think he would be much less likely to make such general statements about women’s sexuality.