New Virginity Paradigm


Virginity, as a concept, is weird. With a single act of a penis into a vagina, boys become men and girls become used. Gay people don’t count.

When I was a teen I was obsessed with my virginity. I wore a chain around my waist to represent my special status and planned to give it to the man who deflowered me. I imagined the perfect scenario: with my boyfriend on prom night in the back of a limo. Of course, fantasy sparkles better than reality and few things go exactly as planned.

I lost my virginity had penetrative sex for the first time with a guy I barely knew, in a place far from home and it lasted for all of 5 minutes after I bugged him for a good 3 hours to stick his dick in me. (I felt a bit weighed down by the virginity thing after a while. And the chain was annoying.)

Afterward I remember thinking That was dumb and feeling a weird regret because it was all over so fast. My special moment in life was highly underwhelming and I began to think that women everywhere were being bamboozled by men. For years I could not understand how any female could enjoy having sex.

Here’s why: sex itself isn’t the special moment so many people rave about. We get excited about orgasm/sexual pleasure not sticking a body part into a bodily orifice.

I propose a new virginity definition: you are a virgin until you have an orgasm. Virginity denotes inexperience and a person “loses” their virginity after having that experience.

So let’s stop thinking about virginity in terms of penis-in-the-vagina. All this paradigm creates is a world focused on heterosexual baby-making instead of allowing sexual pleasure for everyone. We need to focus on the first orgasm as that special experience that can fundamentally change you and the way you see yourself and the larger world.

In this light, the time I lost my virginity was awesome and still one of my fondest memories.

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