Weird Beauty: A Patch to Cover Your Camel Toe


The Fine Art of Subtlety

Why is the consumer world so obsessed with lady bits lately? You can buy muff-specific shampoodye your bush, tint your inner labia youthful caucasian pink, and vajazzle your vulva. Apparently the only thing prohibited is mentioning a vagina by name.

Once you’ve endured the burning pink flesh tint, ripped the right patches of hair, washed with minty shampoo, dyed your pubes, and bling’d yourself out, uh, down there, the next step is to put a smoothing buffer patch between your lady junks and your tight-ass pants.

Enter: The Cuchini. Their website text sums it better than I can:

Hey Girls. Camel Toe might be hot… if you are a Guy!! But who wants to be the one sporting it? Some secrets are meant to be kept. As we have evolved, hair down there is a thing of the past.  As the landing strip and Brazilian wax have become prominent in today’s world, there is no bush for the cush. And though Camel Toe may be a  hot topic… it’s not to the gal sporting it!

I have another solution: stop wearing such tight ass pants if you don’t want the world knowing you have labia. You do not need to look like an anatomically neutered Barbie doll.

If the Cuchini is strange as a product, the website is even weirder. The front page has an awful camel-toe song set to Beach Boy’s “Cocomo”.

Aaahhh, the shaming power of parody songs. And the mystifying power of poorly picked product mascots. Come on. A shy yet seductive camel-human hybrid in a bikini?

Banished to the Island of Misfit Mascots

Maybe we’ll soon see a male version of this called the “Kendoll” for hiding your man junks while wearing super-tight hipster pants.

I’m not saying camel toe isn’t a little unsightly, just not for the reasons Cuchini claims. When I see camel toe I cringe thinking about the pinch of fabric between labia. I wonder if the patches make it more uncomfortable.

At the very least, I think the Cuchini makers need a different video on their front page. How could they pass over the classic Fannypack track “Camel Toe”?

Thanks to Beth for alerting me to the weirdness!

3 thoughts on “Weird Beauty: A Patch to Cover Your Camel Toe”

  1. I made it most of the way through the second video, and a few seconds of the first video. My blog deals in tasteless stuff, but I now feel chastened by the display in this entry. Congrats. Thought it couldn’t be done.

  2. Great post! I agree — the “lady bit” obsession in fashion/beauty circles is a bit bizarre. As usual, people can’t decide whether to shame our body parts or fetishize them. I can’t decide which is more creepy…..

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