Sex Positivity Has Boundaries


As a sex educator I’ve often met people who think that sex positivity means that anything goes. I disagree. I’m all for non-judgmental sex information but that doesn’t mean I don’t find some forms of sexuality disturbing as hell.

The latest strange fetish to raise the hair on my neck? Masking or Femskins. This is related to the Real Doll fetish but with a sinister “Silence of the Lambs” twist on it: men cut the face and skin from the doll, wear it (or simply a female rubber mask) and often videotape themselves. CREEPY! Here are some visual examples.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Remind you of anything? Perhaps Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb? (Warning: Mangina at 1:24)

Even though this creeps me out to no end, I can still see ways to dispense solid sex information to practitioners. But I wonder if practitioners get that their fetish reminds people of serial killers that dismember bodies.

The way I try to approach the endless variation in human sexual expression is to see it like dietary preferences. There are some foods pose a greater health risk and people should be forewarned. Some people enjoy delicacies that would make others vomit. I don’t care how much my love for escargot or steamed monkfish liver grosses anyone out, I’m still going to eat it. I gag at the very thought of casu marzu but I doubt that would stop a Sardinian farmer from enjoying it.

This analogy is not without its shortcomings. Food preferences are not subject to the same levels of persecution as sexual preferences. In that light, I understand why so many fetishists have conferences and organize around their cause. Fine. But I refuse to have anyone tell me that I am negative for finding others’ proclivities weird, especially considering the amount of snarking from kink and queer communities towards the straight and vanilla.

Live and let live does not mean giving up opinions and preferences. Likewise, sex positivity does not mean anything goes. Boundaries are important. And masking videos freak me out.

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